


How to Tame a Vampire

by Matloc



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Or Is he?, PLS DON'T TAKE THIS FIC SRSLY, THIS IS VERY CRACK, Teikou Era, ft. kuroko suffering for the sake of mankind, vampire!Akashi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-27 07:15:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6274870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Matloc/pseuds/Matloc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kuroko is on a mission to uncover Akashi’s true identity.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>He can almost see the gears turning in Akashi’s brain, drawing up a foolproof blueprint meant for Kuroko’s imminent “disappearance”. Just like what happened to the rest of the heroes who were too brave for their own good, surely.</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	How to Tame a Vampire

**Author's Note:**

> this prompt was shamelessly stolen from a [very talented akkr author](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fanfiction.net%2Fu%2F2747575%2FGaleaFihriel&t=NzQxZmNjY2M3NjA1ZWQ4NzY1YTFjMmMwMWUxMzAxNzI3ZmQ4NmM4MyxndmtTdFl0cw%3D%3D) and i cannot thank her enough for this. i really wanted to expand on this but urGH HELLO EXAM HELL
> 
> written for the white day event on tumblr

It’s on a cheery Monday morning that Kuroko puts his plan into action. He wades through the sea of primly-dressed students using his exceptional talents at stealth—which tragically amounts to just having an exceptionally low presence. Picking one of the looming cherryblossom trees as a poor man’s observation deck, he lies in wait, clutching on a fallen branch for moral support.

Everything seems to be going according to his calculations for now, as a red blob soon slips into the crowd, and into his vision. He holds his breath, waiting for Akashi to pass. Hopefully without noticing him.

Perhaps that was too optimistic a thought, because the next instant the gods curse him for growing too cocky and make Akashi pause in his steps. Kuroko has time to gulp in fear just once before he’s fixed under a blood red spotlight. Akashi stares at him for a good while but stays eerily quiet, deep in thought. He can almost see the gears turning in Akashi’s brain, drawing up a foolproof blueprint meant for Kuroko’s imminent “disappearance”. Just like what happened to the rest of the heroes who were too brave for their own good, surely.

“Good morning, Kuroko.” Here it comes—oh.

Akashi blinks at him. _Oh._

Looks like the target hasn’t noticed that he’s the target yet.

“Hello, Akashi-kun. I was just measuring the girth of this,” he smacks the trunk with surprising force, resulting in a head full of cherryblossoms, “Amazing tree…” A rogue petal floats down to his nose, drawing a little sneeze out of him.

Akashi looks amused for the most part. There’s a smile playing on his lips, probably at the thought of making Kuroko today’s lunch—he won’t be fooled into letting his guard down so easily. Why else would his heart stutter at the boy’s smile, if not from pure, instinctual fear?

But even a vampire has the sense to refrain from showing its true nature in public. So Akashi just nods. “Good to cultivate admirable hobbies at a young age. I will see you at practice, Kuroko.”

The boy gets up once the coast is clear, once he sees the cement-paved horizon devour Akashi’s back with the rest of the students. He releases a sigh, praying he’s safe from the vampire radar as he makes his way in the opposite direction—the General Classes building, for normal people with average grades and average lives and, most importantly, no _fangs_ —plucking snow white petals out of his hair.

 

* * *

 

 

The afternoon bell rings at 12 o’clock sharp, signaling the tiny window of break time precious to every student. They spill out and flood the halls, a great majority rushing to the cafeteria while some others stay behind, perched on classroom desks or windowsills.

“Yo, Tetsu! Let’s go hav—”

“No, thank you. I plan on inviting Akashi-kun alone for lunch today.”

“Fine—wait, what? Akashi? _You?_ ” Aomine narrows his eyes. “Ha ha, yeah and I have boobs, Tetsu.”

“Don’t be rude, Aomine-kun. I’m doing this for the greater good.” Kuroko peeks around the corner, looking for a boy wearing that signature _Seitokaichou_ band in a bustling throng of second years.

“Of what?”

“Of humanity.”

Aomine reels back, bringing up his hands like he’s heard enough. “Okay, that’s some kinky roleplay shit I did _not_ wanna hear. Good luck with that. I’m out.”

Before Kuroko could ask what “kinky” and “roleplay” meant, the boy of his nightmares pops up by the stairs, his steam-pressed jacket slung over his shoulders. He must be really brave, imitating Dracula in plain sight. He might as well have sharpied a target on his face.

Kuroko makes his way to the red-haired boy, nervousness thumping a broken beat in his chest. “Akashi-kun.”

Akashi turns with that same awfully pleased smile from this morning. “Kuroko.”

Rule #1, Kuroko: Do not let the vampire smell your fear. “I was wondering if the two of us could have lunch today?”

His request catches Akashi off-guard. “How surprising, Kuroko. I was expecting to see you with Aomine.”

“Aomine-kun is busy… helping out Midorima-kun.”

“Oh, really?” And that dreadful smile slips back into place, like Akashi knows something Kuroko doesn’t. “Very well, then.”

Kuroko sincerely hopes he comes out alive after this.

 

* * *

 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised that Akashi’s favorite spot is in some quiet, isolated corner behind the school building. Perfect for committing horrific murders, by way of draining the victims of their blood, in particular.

What does leave him in awe are the cherryblossom giants, standing and towering over them in a perfect circle. The boys are sitting along the edge, on a bench that’s honestly too small for Kuroko’s comfort. Especially when Akashi’s pressed up against him, their bento almost clacking if either of them grows a little twitchy. One a humble combination of meat balls and rice, while Akashi’s embroidered box boasts a nutritious blend of steamed vegetables, along with baby carrots diced with impeccable regard for geometry, and evenly-sized apple slices.

“I never knew we had such a place behind the school,” Kuroko mutters.

“That is because they are normally off-limits. I have special permission as the student council president.”

He frowns, a rare point of envy sparking inside. “Is it alright for you to be abusing your powers?”

“Think of it as part of my social duties. After all, you have a question for me, do you not?”

Kuroko chokes on a meatball. That’s why Akashi took him here. “So you… knew all along?” he wheezes out between coughs, gravy burning his throat.

Akashi smiles. That very same smile that makes Kuroko’s heart skip a beat in shock, fear.

Rule #1, Kuroko. Rule #1.

“Yes, and I also know what you wish to ask me.” He turns to face Kuroko, knees bumping as he takes both their bento boxes and sets them down. “However, I would like to do the honors. If you’ll let me.”

Yes! Finally, Akashi will unmask his vampiric self. “Please, Akashi-kun.”

Dracula’s great descendant nods, mistaking Kuroko’s eagerness for a go-ahead to grab the poor boy by the arms. “Kuroko, would you kindly allow me the honor of dating you?”

_“…What?”_

“It is alright, Kuroko.” Akashi tries to assure him while pointedly ignoring Kuroko squirming in his hold. “We will follow all the proper steps as our relationship progresses. I have everything planned out, even after graduation.”

Kuroko pales. “Even after graduation?”

“Why yes, Kuroko. I would like to date you with the intention of marrying, of course.” He states matter-of-factly, as if everyone in the Akashi household is raised with the prospect of bringing home a blushing bride by the time puberty hits.

But Kuroko’s mind works differently like always. Think of all the lives he’ll be saving by tying Akashi down. Plus, this will give him the chance to study the vampire’s habits by sticking close to him without raising anyone’s suspicion.

“Yes, Akashi-kun.” He says with a brand new fire of determination alight in his blue eyes.

“Good.” Akashi decides to seal the deal with a kiss.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Minutes later, as Akashi pulls back with all the smugness befitting the Cheshire cat, and Kuroko’s left panting for air, he decides he’s already going to regret this. For a long, _long_ time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> save me from this nothing i’ve become


End file.
